Ok I'm Back

Kinda. My fan was getting restless, so here I am.

Here's something that will make your stomach turn. Don't read it immediately before or after eating.

The campaign stories alleging Schwarzenegger's womanizing were "flat-out tough, painful, no doubt about it," Shriver tells Vanity Fair. But fortunately she and her husband are still "hot for each other," says the former NBC News star.

My Continuing Love Affair with Bill Clinton

Have I mentioned how much I love Bill Clinton? I really really do.

So there's this. And here's a quote:

President Clinton's prime-time interview with ABC on Nov. 18, in conjunction with the opening of the Clinton presidential library, was for the most part a feel-good, nostalgic affair, as Clinton looked back on his presidency with ABC anchor Peter Jennings. But Clinton flashed real irritation when Jennings suggested some historians thought that Clinton's presidency had lacked "moral authority," without mentioning its having been tarnished by independent counsel Kenneth Starr's multiple investigations.

"You don't want to go here, Peter," snapped Clinton, who proceeded to criticize the reporting of ABC News, in particular, in the 1990s. "Not after what you people did and the way you, your network, what you did with Kenneth Starr. The way your people repeated every little sleazy thing he leaked. No one has any idea what that's like."

Visions of My Youth

Awww! We used to take field trips to this place. I still remember that weird plastic/rubber smell of the inside of the heart...

Yet Somehow, Not Surprising

In this climate of 51% of the nation voting neoconservative, fundamentalist "Christians" back into office for another 4 years, and in this climate of 11 states voting to ban basic human rights for certain Americans based on voter's own fear and ignorance, somehow this? Is not surprising.

David Gergen Weighs In

An advisor to four former U.S. presidents, Bush, Sr. being one of them, I think perhaps Gergen might know of what he speaks. This is really worth the read.

The president apparently intends no less than to overhaul government, achieve long-term Republican hegemony over American politics and ensure long-term American hegemony over the world.

Which is, I guess, something all us progressives saw coming a mile away when he announced his bid for reelection, eh?

In Mr. Bush's case, his administration has already shown ominous signs of "group-think'' in its handling of Iraq and the nation's finances. By closing down dissent and centralizing power in a few hands, he is acting as if he truly believes that he and his team have a perfect track record, that they know best, and that they don't need any infusion of new heavyweights. He has every right to take this course, but as he knows from his Bible, pride goeth before. ...

OUCH.

This is Excellent News

Thank goodness we've gone back to the 'just put it on the credit card' economy of the Reagan administration. Because you know, that worked so incredibly well. At least the one thing Reagan had going for him was that he didn't have two simultaneous wars to fight while he kept cutting taxes.

Oh and we want to start a third war over spirulous claims of WMDs. That should help the economy.

Why does Colin Powell keep *doing* stuff like this? He's a smart man! He's got a head on his shoulders! Have they drugged him? Lobotimized him? Do they have his wife hogtied in a bunker somewhere? What's going on here?

My Buddy... My Buddy!

Wherever he goes... I go! My buddy... my buddy!!

(Condi) Rice will do the same at State. Her relationship to the president will continue to take precedence over everything else. While it is unclear whether Colin Powell's voice of moderation ever moderated any administration policy, at least he occasionally raised it. Rice can be counted upon to give no hint of dissent, raising groupthink to the level of theological certainty.

I Coulda Told You That

Wasn't the Taliban totally controlling the opium output? And now that the Taliban are not in control and the U.S. have effectively abandoned the area to their own devices... hey guess what!! Very poor people are going to make a living however they can. And unfortunately, this is how they can.

This Actually Made Me Feel Better

The day after the election, the first thing I did was log on to an Ireland immigration site to see how long I'd have to put my animals in quarentine, were I to move over there. I was ready to get the hell out of here. The problem is, I love Seattle. I mean, I really love Seattle. This is an incredibly unique, glorious city that just makes me feel good.

Then I felt torn. I love my city, and Seattle is not the narrow-minded, homophobic, xenophobic wasteland that 51% of the U.S. population has become. But the fact of the matter remained: I still have to live in this country. That's the big picture. And it made me feel kind of headachey and nauseus.

So when I read this, I felt a lot better, and less like moving to Ireland. Though you know, Ireland is still out there, beckoning... Motherlands will do that, I suppose.

Ricky Gervais is a Sick, Sick Bastard

If you haven't seen 'The Office,' I highly recommend you remedy that situation at once.

'The Office' is the most brilliantly written, directed, and acted television show I have ever seen. Unfortunately it only lasted for 2 seasons, but last night I got to see the two wrap-up Christmas specials, which were just so good. So, so good. But it was not uncommon during both the series and the Christmas specials for me to mutter at the TV, "Ricky Gervais? You are a sick, sick bastard." But you know, in a really good way.

Oh How I Love Him...

Bill Clinton, I love you. If I were a poet, I would write a sonnet about how much I love you. We had that little fight a couple of years ago, when you lied to me and cheated on me, but all is forgiven because I love you so very very much. I really do. You're the best ever. *sigh*

Here's One I'm On The Fence About

That's right. I said I'm on the fence. You gotta problem with that?

Anyway, so as we know, smoking is banned in public places including bars and restaurants in California and New York, and the trend is spreading (though where was the ballot initiative in Seattle? I thought they got enough signatures to get it on this year. Guess not. Anyway...). Now, believe it or not, it's spread to Europe.

I've heard they want to do something like this in Italy where, let's face it, it's illegal if you DON'T smoke. Those hottie carabinieri in their Versaci uniforms (they're fit but they know it...) will sidle right on up to you, criticize your taste in footwear, and give you a ticket for not smoking. Then they will pose for photos and get back to leaning masculinely (is that a word? Well if it's not, it is now) on their Ferrari police cars.

And this is awesome:

Tim Banham, 26, Ms Pagliarulo's colleague at a publishing firm, said he was a smoker but supported a ban and thought it should go even further. "It will help me give up ... but they should just stop selling the bloody things, take the machines out of the pubs. Then I'd have to either give up or get myself a fag dealer," he said.

Hee hee.

But I'm still on the fence about it. I'm a former smoker and I hate going into smokey bars and restaurants. It's nasty. But I also feel like it's easy for me to go to non-smoking bars and restaurants and leave the smokey bars to the smokers. It's not like it's any big secret that people smoke when they drink, and it's their right to smoke if they really want to.

But also... I mean, think of the bartenders and the waitresses who don't smoke, need their jobs, and have to inhale that crap every day. And also, I seek out non-smoking establishments and I know I'm not the only one. So I'm sure there's a bottom-line that business owners are looking at.

Rockin' Essay

I know Thor already blogged this, but I think it bears repeating here.

"You have to make your own entertainment choices, you have to help your kids make their entertainment choices, you have to stop expecting the government to classify everything you don't like as dangerous and bad, and if you really found the airing of Saving Private Ryan on Veterans Day offensive, you have to take a minute and get a grip on yourself. No…you really do. Because either you don't have any actual problems in your life, or you ignored actual problems in favor of getting in a twist about…that. No good. Find a better use of your time."

Sing it, sister.

Yea, Also Not So Surprising

There was something about Condi I always knew was goddamned incompetant. Maybe it was the blank stare, the inability to speak without talking points, the helpless deer-caught-in-headlines look during the 9/11 commission testimony.

Or maybe it was the "this is a historical document, nothing more," testimony, regarding a memo that said exactly what the terrorists were planning on 9/11.

Hey Condi? You're a moron.

Thank goodness you're probably taking over for poor, put-upon Colin Powell. That will really put that incompetance to good use.

Huh. See a pattern?

I Am So Old, Part 2

Yet I'm excited, nonetheless. These kids are like, "I was 8 when the original came out!" Oh please. I was 14, ya babies. Gary Lightbody was 8. Tom Chaplin was 4. It just makes me want to throw myself off a bridge.

I am sad that Damon from Blur and the Oasis boys didn't perform together. But I guess Damon put on a pink apron and served tea and "Africa cake" to everyone. The mind boggles.

Ok, so here's what parts everyone sang, since I know you're all dying with anticipation:

Chris Martin: It's Christmastime, there's no need to be afraid.. at Christmastime, we let in light and we banish shade

Dido: And in our world of plenty we can spread a smile of joy... throw your arms around the world at Christmastime

Robbie Williams: But say a prayer, Pray for the other ones... at Christmastime it's hard, but when you're having fun

Sugababes: There's a world outside your window... and it's a world of dread and fear

Fran Healy: Where the only water flowing

Fran Healy & Sugarbabes: Is the bitter sting of tears

Fran Healy & Justin Hawkins: And the Christmas bells that ring there are the clanging chimes of doom

Bono: Well tonight thank God it's them instead of you

Will Young & Jamelia: And there won't be snow in Africa this Christmastime... the greatest gift they'll get this year is life

Ms Dynamite & Beverly Knight: (Oooh) Where nothing ever grows... no rain nor rivers flow

Group of ten & Joss Stone: Do they know it's Christmastime at all?

Tom Chaplin: Here's to you

Justin Hawkins (Darkness): Raise a glass for everyone

Dizzee Rascal: Spare a thought this yuletide for the deprived... if the table was turned would you survive

Busted: Here's to them

Justin Hawkins (Darkness): Underneath that burning sun

Dizzee Rascal: You ain't gotta feel guilt just selfless... give a little help to the helpless

Joss Stone & Justin Hawkins: Do they know it's Christmastime at all?

Tom Chaplin: Feed the world

Tom Chaplin & Chris Martin: Feed the world

Tom Chaplin & Chris Martin & Sugababes: Feed the world

Tom Chaplin & Chris Martin & Sugababes: Feed the world

Everyone (in the big studio): Feed the world! Let them know it's Christmastime again - repeated

Fran Healy: Woooo

Group of 10: Feed the world

Everyone (in the big studio): Feed the world - repeated to end

Joss Stone: Ad Libs over outro

No Big Surprise

Of course. We all saw that one coming. I thought Condi was going to resign as well. Guess not. I still think they offered John McCain something so he would campaign for them...

Creepalicious

Today's the anniversary of the murders in Amityville. Creepy, huh?

Here are some photos of an apparent ghost at the house, during one of the seances held there after the Lutz's moved in. Which was after the murder. And the Lutz's experience in the house after the murders was what the Amityville Horror was based on, although apparently people are now debating whether it was all a big hoax or something.

Oh I don't know. All I know is, I love stuff like this.

Heh. Heh Heh Heh.

She's a sex therapist, and her last name is Cox. Heh. Get it? Heh heh.

"The masterstroke was hiring Cox." Heh. Masterstroke. Heh. Cox. Heh heh.

Not Surprising In The Least

Anyone who tells you that Naples is not a shithole is lying.

I tried to tell everyone this when I had the very unfortunate chance to walk through its filth-encrusted, fish-head piled streets back in 1999. But would anyone listen to me? Noooo. "Oh but it's so pretty!!" they protested into their art history/travel guides and iced lattes.

No it's not. It's just NOT.

It's decaying and gross and disgusting and covered in excrament and rotting fish heads.

I seriously wish this was an exaggeration.

Being one of the bigger Italiaphiles out there, it pains me to paint this vivid and quite smelly picture of an Italian city that should otherwise be un bella citta. But you know what? I aint lyin' people.

Yea, lots and lots of history, and my main man Caravaggio chilled and painted and was generally a little rabble rouser down there for a while, but that's not enough to get me to risk life, limb, and laundry to journey there ever ever again.

Naples fucking sucks, man.

Those Plucky Canadians

Well you know. There's always this.

But I have to tell you, I still think they're up to something. No population of people can be that clean and that nice. It's unnatural. They're plotting something, just you wait...

OH DEAR GOD NO

Nooooooooooooooooooooo no no no no no no.

Oh I have to wash my brain out with bleach. Oh that's just sick and wrong and the worst thing I've ever read in my entire life. Oh no.

Miss 1/2 a Day, and Arafat Dies

Would you look at that? The old man is dead.

Hard to believe, really. I thought he was just a wee bit immortal... like Castro or the pope.

But no, he's shuffled off this mortal coil, so what do you think this means for Israeli/Palestinian relations? My goodness, I'm the wrong person to ask. But my opinion is, first of all, kind of hard to tell since he hasn't really been part of the "relations" thing in a while (being at death's door and all).

I don't know though. I was kind of hoping the Israelis would take this as an opportunity to show their goodwill and all that, but not so much, judging from the fact that they won't let him be buried in Jeruselum; the reason being? Well, apparently they all think he was a big big terrorist. So no Jeruselum burial, and the funeral itself was a complete fiasco, with this happy little quote resonanting through the crowds, "Our blood, our souls, we sacrifice for you, Yasser Arafat." Awesome, thanks guys.

So when I first started writing this, I was going to say that I thought maybe things would improve now that Arafat has shaken hands with the Grim Reaper. But now that I'm finishing it up?

Yea, not so much.

We Will Remember Them

I know, I know, it might sound sappy, but today is Veteran's Day. And these past few years it's meant even more to me than before, mainly because I am so sick at how the veterans of this war will remember their time in service.

People are very quick to say, "well, they signed up for this. I don't feel sorry for the soldiers... this is their job." Ok, they signed up to defend the country. They knew they'd be asked to follow orders and that they'd be at the beck and call of their Commander-In-Chief, and they knew that would include some pretty bad stuff sometimes. Maybe even stuff they are morally opposed to.

They did not, however, sign up for this. They didn't sign up to be lied to and sent into harm's way based on a lie.

They were lied to, and their families were lied to. They were sent into Iraq based on falshoods, half-truths, exaggerations, and misconceptions, with no training in the culture, no training in the language, and the expectation (based on what their Commander-In-Chief was telling them) that the civilians would be greeting them with open arms.

They didn't sign up for what happened.

Every day those soldiers are being told that Al Queda and Sadaam Hussein are one in the same. Read the 9/11 Commission's report... they're not. They never were. There is no tie. The soliders, the American people, and the rest of the world were lied to.

Every day those soldiers are being told that we have found weapons of mass destruction. As everyone knows now, there were no WMDs. Bush's father and the Clinton administration made sure of that by keeping a sanction stranglehold on the Hussein government for the entirely of the 1990s. He couldn't build them. The Gulf War was effective. We were all lied to, including the soldiers.

Every day the terrorists use their presence as an opportunity to recruit and attack. Every day the civilians who didn't appreciate being invaded gather up arms and fight back. Imagine a 19 year old Iraqi soldier driving down your street in a tank, screaming at you in a language you don't understand, and shooting at your church. All because his government doesn't like the way your president is running your country, so he was sent to invade your country - a sovereign nation.

You think you'd take kindly to that? Do you think you'd sit back and take it?

So no. The soldiers didn't sign up for this. They never would have enlisted if they thought their Commander-In-Chief would be so callous and so morally bankrupt as to lie to them to settle a grudge.

Think about that as (if you're a state employee) you lounge around today watching "E! True Hollywood Story."

Oh Noooooo...

From the Keane message board, posted Nov. 9th:

Hello
As some or most of you might know by now, i've been struck down with a really heavy cold and it's got to the point where it really has become difficult to sing. I actually began to feel a bit dodgy after the second Glasgow gig and have been struggling against the odds ever since. Although the last thing we want to do is to cancel shows, i also have to think of the future and i feel that more singing at this moment may only cause lasting damage. It really is depressing to be breaking up the tour and sitting around at home - nevertheless, i'm going to rest up and wallow in all the lovely sympathy i seem to be getting from everyone... I know that rearranging gigs is always going to be a bit of a compromise and we're all really sorry that it had to happen so close to showtime, but we'll be back to give you all the night of your lives in January! So a giant SORRY to everyone who is going to miss out but we'll hopefully see you very soon.
lots of love Tom

For those of you not in the know (for some reason that's beyond me), Tom's Keane's lead singer. Here he is now. In happier days.

And his throat is bad again. It went out when he was touring around the U.S. and he had to cancel two shows in flyover country somewhere, then have tubes crammed down his neck and up his nose. Delicious!

Kerry and I are freaking out. Well, I'm freaking out and Kerry is laaaaaughing and laughing and laughing at me. Mostly I'm freaking out because we're scheduled to see them three times in early December, one of them relying on non-refundable plane tickets.

See how it's all about me?

Yea that's neat that your throat is torn to shreds your entire livelihood could be threatened if you tried to sing again right now, Tom, but if you could take care of that before it inconveniences ME, that would be great. Thanks.

(insert uncomfortable laugh here)

Good thing the election wasn't divisive or anything.

I mean that Bushie... sure is a uniter and not a divider, eh?

Oh wait.

He used that during the first election, which he, by the way, lost.

Remember that? Ahhh, back in the good ol' days. As Jon Stewart says, I kind of miss voter fraud. Now I have to live with the fact that 51% of my fellow Americans either lack the ability to absorb and disseminate information, or are really just as neoconservative as that greasy little cabal running the country.

This election? Vote for Bush or we'll all die, and now that Bush has gotten a 1% majority, he's got a "mandate" to drill in the last frontier and deny basic human rights to 10% of the citizens of my country.

That is so awesome. You keep on keepin' on, Georgie boy.

Couldn't Be Geekier

Oh but look how cooooooooooool.

And James Beck is already all, "no, it's totally not, because I'm James Beck and I say so."

You haven't even seen it yet, Becksy, so shut the hell up, Mr. "The Sistine Chapel All Dirty and Faded and Fucked Up Is Totally How Michelangelo Intended it To Be, And You Restorers Are Just Destroying His Vision." Oy. You know, I might not be a prof. at Columbia, but honey? You're wrong. You're just wrong. K? Accept it and move on.

Oh wait. You don't want to take my word for it? There. Duh. Looooook at the bright bright colors, the big sculptural figures... hmmm... looks almost like the colors and the brightness of the restored chapel, don't it Beckers? Yea, I know. No need to thank me for the education. Just knowing you're wrong is reward enough.

Ok, so I do agree with him about the Last Supper. But STILL.

Thaaaaaaat's What You Wanna See

You know what? NO. Just... no. Why why why are people so morbidly obsessed with shite like this? Why? I mean come on.

This seems to negate one of the arguments of death penalty opponents: if we still held executions in public, the dp would be illegal. Yea not so much, for people who love to watch innocent civilians get their goddamned heads lopped off. I bet these same people voted Bush back into office for another 4 years.

Sweeping generalization? Me? Never.

Hee Hee. A Little Sock Thingie.

Look! A little sock thingie!!

This is my friend Patty's blog. It makes me squeal with glee. *glint*

Another one

Tom, now that I've linked you, you've got to update this baby regularly. Promise? You have no idea how many people check in with the Munchkin of Nonsense for all their blogging needs. No seriously. Why are you laughing at me? I'm IMPORTANT, Tom. IMPORTANT. People love me!! Wait! Where are you going? I can fart with my hands... oh, no...

Trampled flat

Awesome one from the Blogmeister General, aka my friend Thor. Seriously people. Check it. Recognize. Can I get a witneeeess?!?

Oh, Really?

"The objective of securing the safety of Americans from crime and terror has been achieved."

Wow, that's good news. *phew* Thanks Ashcroft. I guess we're all fine now, and have nothing to fear, really, from anyone ever again. Start unlocking those doors, people! Leave your valuables out on the front lawn! No more airport security checks! No more border patrol! Wow... no more police! At all!

I don't think I'm taking that statement too far, do you?

Guess all that "vote for Bush or we're ALL GOING TO DIE" stuff during the campaign was a big fat lie then huh?

But you know something? Say what you will about Ashcroft. I still agree with him about the cat issue. Hey man, I've seen those little bastards in action. If they're not the devil, by golly, I don't know what is.

Fugging It Up, How I Do Love Thee

This consistently makes me laugh and laugh. And laugh and laugh some more. And laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh, until I reach the shore...

Movies Movies Movies

I have not laughed that hard for such a prolonged period of time in a really, really, REALLY long time.

I went to see "Shaun of the Dead," and "Team America" in the same night. Good for the stomach muscles, I'm tellin' ya...

"Shaun of the Dead" is a working class, modern day British homage to "Night of the Living Dead," and it's one of the funniest movies I've seen all year. Simon Pegg (Shaun) was absolutely brilliant. It has it's TOTAL gross-out moments... the entrails part of "Night of the Living Dead" was nasty in black and white... imagine it in full color, close up. NAH. STY. But it was also so cartoony that it was hard to get *too* grossed out, although my friend and I did have to cover our eyes through most of it. But we're kind of wimpy.

Besides the obvious "eeeeewww" factor (that honestly constituted about 3 minutes out of the whole movie), it's a brilliant social commentary in a completely different, yet just-as-effective wayas "Night of the Living Dead" was. If that makes sense. "Night of the Living Dead" was more about racism and possibly the fear of communism, and "Dawn of the Dead" was blatently about mass consumerism. "Shaun of the Dead" is more about how we kind of wander through our lives so wrapped up in our own petty little issues that we completely miss what's going on in the world around us until it's really too late. That, and modern living turns us all into zombies, really, going through the same routines every day.

Only funny.

And my beloved Martin Freeman makes a very brief cameo, so that made me happy.

Anyway, if you're not squeamish about a few moments of cartoonish gross-outs, you must see this movie. It is just hilarious.

When we headed back to the theater for "Team America" about an hour after the movie ended, we thought nothing could be as funny as "Shaun of the Dead." Oh were we wrong.

"Team America" was so funny, tears were streaming down my face... and that rarely happens to me. It's a total send-up of horrific 80s big-budget action movies and a cutting satire that attacks the right AND the left, all at the same time. There is very little on this earth that is funnier than Gary's hork scene. My stomach is sore, my face is sore... it was just unbelievable. The ballad version of their anthem, "America! Fuck Yea!" is one of the funniest things I've ever heard in my life. And they made Kim Jong Il into a North Korean Cartman, basically. I thought it was going to kill me, I really did.

Basically, Trey Parker and Matt Stone wanted to see marienettes get the shit kicked out of them, have sex, hork, and say "balls" a lot, so they created a movie around it.

I should say, if you don't like "South Park" and you didn't like "South Park, the Movie," you won't like this, so don't waste your money. I happen to love both, so it was well worth it.

I wouldn't say "Team America" topped "Shaun of the Dead" though. They were two such different movies, with two such different styles of comedy, that it's hard to compare them. They were both hysterically funny, though, so I guess there's that. I think "Shaun of the Dead" will have to be one of those movies I buy when it comes out on DVD. Oh hey! There it is!

Yea I'm Old. So Sue Me.

This makes me so happy. It also reminds me how old I am. And it reminds me that I can't turn up my speakers at work.

When I'm not listening to that, I listen to this. Now this does not make me feel old. Commercial-free radio.

And One More Thing

The best quote ever:

"(On November 2nd), the voice of the people was heard. I promise not to imitate that voice, out of respect for the mentally retarded."

And again I say, thank you, Daily Show.

Motorcycles are Neat

My favorite show right now. This rocks. Check it.

Who's cooler than Ewan? No one. That's who.

Viva Arthur Dent!

Oh and yay. Now update your damned site, people!

American Dispair

Election got you down? Yea, me too. Check out this and this.

Oh and the rest of the world? Sorry, man.

The Cosmic Forces Have Aligned

Going to see Keane in San Francisco on Dec. 2nd, Vancouver in Dec. 8th, and now I just heard about this. Unbelievable. I think Keane love me just a little bit...